I am getting married!

Whahoo!

there's a nu(de) burger sheriff in town

So, I decided today that I suck at everything. I went bowling last night, after hearing that some dude in Ohio was able to bowl a perfect 900. Three perfect games in a row. That is the bowling equivalent to, say a baseball player throwing a no-hitter, hitting for the cycle, and smacking a game-winning grand slam -- all in the same game. It's just unbelievable focus to be able to throw 12 perfect strikes in a row for a perfect 300, then turning around and doing it again.. twice! Dude is God of Ohio now.

So, yeah.. this was all running through my mind as I got up for the first frame. I got one pin down on the left side, and then proceeded to leave that frame open and eight others. Shit.

Changing my name on the board from pbrchx to unibowler didn't help much either. My score. 94 points. To paraphrase Bode Miller, bowling is hard to do when you've been drinking. Oh wait. No, I got that backwards. The only thing that would make bowling harder is acid. But then again, I'm sure Dock Ellis would challenge that notion.

Anyway.

So, licking my wounds today, I decided to try my hand at cooking these fine vegetarian shittake/truffel mushroom burgers. They smelled so good on the grill, and I went inside and got my pita bread ready. Back outside, and these very promising culinary delights were charred to a crisp. Damn it.

This burger emperor wears no clothes.

The Valley and Michael Stipes

Yes, that was Michael Stipes plural. I went solo last night, down to the High Dive to see The Valley. The Valley was great, but it was of those shows that it took forever to get to the headliner. I don't wanna hate on anyone in my weblog so I will leave it at that. Anyway earlier in the evening I was going out of my head with boredom and engaged a stranger about why so many people looked like Michael Stipe? You know the type - shaved bald, sometimes with arty glasses or sunglasses, stubble, and faux-glamourous apparel. Look like they used to work at a dotcom, and now sell indonesian antiques to Dale friggin' Chihuly. Maybe I should have said Billy Corgans. Here's a picture, that's me in the middle.

Anyway, this dude's response was priceless. He said, Who's Michael Stipe? I said, you know - the lead singer of REM. And he said, ohhh that guy whose wife owns The Crocodile? I said noooo that's Peter Buck. You know, the bald guy who looks everyone in this bar? And he said oh yeah, of course... I know exactly who you mean. So, basically we made fast friends.

Anyway, I had a good time from that point on. And The Valley had some tech difficulties and stuff, but from the moment the guitar started working they were badass. Dan Valley was saying that it was a really sloppy night -- but I think they can pull off a sloppy night (false starts, tech probs, drumsticks flying everywhere) better than most bands. I recommend this band! Nice guys too... I got their CD and t-shirt, but I'm too glazed over this morning to take pictures of it and post em here.

Besides, I need to hit "pubish post" and get on my day. Peace in the middle east, pbrchicken

Rock (c.1954-1970) is Dead

First off, let me just say - I love The Doors. Always have. Basically worshipped Jim Morrison all the way through middle school. I know he's kind of a dork, but the whole thing is just too nostalgic for me for me to go back on it now.

OK, now the story.

A long time ago, I had this roommate that always wanted to hear the mythical "lost song" by The Doors: Rock is Dead. At first, I really couldn't care less, but eventually I got sucked into it's significance because of its BOLD CLAIM (and it's unattainable status). So, when that box set got released back in the mid 90's we were all stoked to put it on. And - hard to say if it's disappointing -- or the greatest thing ever. If I were to describe it, it would be like basically the dying words of mullet-topped surfer who is slipping away from alcohol poisoning via fortified wine.

Ah, Jim Morrison. Will there ever be a rock star as flat-out gone as you? *sniff*

Anyway, I had the dubious pleasure of hearing this beast again yesterday, and I have to say. It's more unbelievable than I remembered. I found lyrics online. And they are stunning. Sometimes he tries to make something rhyme, but that's usually something like "gotta deep-dap-doo" with "love ya baby little lotta-gita-do."

Or, showing a literary side (with imaginary words), rhyming "cacitritions" with "impablermations."

Occasionally the rhyme get a tad, shall we say, forced: "Naked woman, out of doors, I don't care how loud you snore."

Woah.

So, read on, dear reader. I wouldn't post it if it wasn't worth it:


Hi you lady... alright babe... gonna love ya...When I was just a little boy, 'bout the age of five I went to sleep, I heard my mama and papa talking - She said We got to stop that boy, he's gettin too far out, He's goin' wild, we gotta stop that child. And I lay there listening, feeling bad -You know, people, I was feeling bad. Mama didn't like the way I did my thing. The old lady, she didn't get with that thing. But my daddy was a sailor, get his head around, And he said Boy you got to do it son, get yourself intact, You gotta love love love love love my baby tonight. Let me tell you baby 'bout the death of rock, I used to be a boy in my home block, Used to feel alone then I heard some news, Bunch o'cats got the rockin' news. You know I love my rock'n'roll people, You know we got some fun, We gonna rock tonight, yeah c'mon... Rock and roll is dead. Rock and roll is dead, Must be something else instead. You got to lay right down and Die, die, die, die yeah...It's all over baby That's it We gotta go We had some good times But it's gone It's all over. I got a few things on my chest, I got to get 'em off...Now listen listen listen listen listen...Now I don't want to hear no talk about no revolution, And I swear to God I don't want to hear No talk about no constitution. And in my frame of mind I am in no mood for No talk about no... cremation. The only thing I'm interested in...I wanna have a good time. I don't wanna hear no talk about no riots, No demonstrations, no cacitritions, no impablermations. There's only one thing I want to see...That's some dancin' ! We're gonna have some fun ! We're gonna have a good time! Let's roll ! O boogie... all night long... yeah...Rocky little woman be my pal, Gonna be the fool, gotta deep-dap-doo, You gotta love, love, love ya baby little lotta-gita-do. Yeah c'mon...Yeah, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute Wait a minute ! Now listen here people ! I'm talkin' about the death of rock and roll, And who killed it. I'm talkin' about the blues. I'm talkin' about the news. Have you heard, have you heard, Have you heard the word ? Rock is dead. Rock is dead. Now I didn't want to be the one to lay it on ya sweetheart, But I used to be a little fellow traveller. I used to think we had the whole thing sewed up, mama. Then I realised, Rock and roll is dying, baby. I wanna see some fun ! I wanna see some hanging out ! I wanna see my people Non-political Arithmetical Transcendental Irathamadental Coolambindang bupalookanimbo... !Are you ready ? Are you ready ? Are you ready to sing the blues my baby ? Yeah, I like it real slow, I like it real bad, I like to get myself together I love to hear you get undressed - Naked woman, out of doors, I don't care how loud you snore. Sun goin' down, way out on the sea, Here she comes, little girl, gonna set me free. Alright c'mon, now... one more time...Yeah...Train a'ride - sixteen coaches long Train a'ride - sixteen coaches long Well I got my baby, Gonna get on the train and run, yeah...Well that big black train gonna get my baby, Big black train, Yeah the big black train gonna get my love, Gonna take her, gonna hug her, gonna... whoa !! Gonna love, love, love, love a dingo yeah...Big black train. Now when I got home, I heard my daddy say, You want a little piece ? Do you want a little peace ? Do you want a little soul ? Do you want a little soul ? I could not help myself, I could not help myself, I could not help ! Help ! Help ! I'm dyin' ! I'm dyin' ! I'm dyin' ! I'm die - die - digadigadoohdah whoa ! It's over ! It's over ! Have mercy ! Have mercy ! Have mercy on your poor son ! We had some good times. We had a few good times. But Those good little times - you know where they are ? They're absolutely, positively under the ground. And As long as I got breath, the death of rock Is the death of me, And rock is dead Well, we're dead... alright... yeah !...Rock Is Dead

shot him in the ass on tha DOWN stroke..

John Stewart has got to be salivating to do tonight's Daily Show.

Dick Cheney shoots his buddy with a shotgun, from 30 yards away. Oh, sorry.. they call it peppered when it's the hunting version of friendly fire. Anyway, there's an elusive THIRD MAN there, who is anonymous. Uhh.. why? It's a damn hunting accident! I happens all the time. Yeah, it's stupid. Yeah they were probably drunk on peach schnapps and Coors. Whatever, it's cool -- just tell me who this other dude was that DIDN'T GET SHOT BY THE VICE PRESIDENT.

One' a them things ya just are curious about. Anyone wanna guess?

Oh, yeah.. and likely sheerly out of force of habit, they tried to cover-up the admittedly embarrassing incident. Surprised they didn't get some dude named Skeeter to pull the buckshot out of homeboy's face instead going to a hospital.

So it's on. Open season on Cheney. Bring it. Let's start with James and Sarah Brady, of the Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. Oh, snap! (thanks to my bud JR):

James and Sarah Brady made comments today related to Vice President Cheney's reportedly accidental shooting yesterday in Texas.
"Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him," said Jim Brady. "I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."
"I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time," Sarah Brady said. "Now I know I was right to be nervous."
http://www.usnewswire.com/

Putting the "sham" in Shyamalan

OK, so it's not like it's a new movie or anything. But recently I got a unexplained urge to finally see The Village, by M. Night Shyamalan. Dunno why, wanted to see somepin' creepy I guess. I guess I should have known what I was in for when I checked www.rottentomatoes.com and gleaned such phrases as:

"As a failure, The Village is certainly interesting, but a failure it stubbornly remains."
"A maddeningly miscalculated hack job."
"Every village needs an idiot -- and M. Night Shyamalan is hoping it's you."
and my personal favorite:
"Let not the bad movie be seen. It encourages them."

So, yeah I decided to see it anyway! Why! I don't know! Whoo!

OK, so check it out. Most people would "warn" you about a spoiler... fuck that. Today, I am entirely recommending a spoiler. I will ruin this movie for you and you will thank me for it, before you waste your time and pollute your intelligence with this sham's lack of creativity. Here, get this - the big secret - the big famous M. Night Shyamalan "twist"? It's a fucking Scooby Doo style unmasking!! There. I spoiled it and you are quite welcome.

Oh, it was leader of the village all along, and all the elders were in on it too.. the "good guys" putting on scary costumes with the intent of tricking his village to maintain their little utopian society free from the rest of society. Spiritual creepiness? Meh. This is a routine whodunnit for kids.

I'm no writer, but I do know that when you create a whole new alternate reality and then you blow it by revealing that "it was just a dream," you leave the audience feeling tricked and empty. Don't ya think it's a bit lazy to reveal the supernatural beings were just people wearing scary suits? To say it's a letdown is just too polite.

The thing that occured to me just now.... is just how lame it was when the moment of truth, the obligitory twist, (what's it called? the denuemont?) occured. It was so lame that it didn't even strike me at the time. Get this, we are set in the 1890's, and a car pulled up... a fucking car! and that didn't truly succeed in surprising me really. Yeah, maybe about 5 minutes after that happened I said to myself "ah yes now that would be the twist.. zzz... " Now if that's not bad filmmaking, then I need to buy me a videocamera and get myself an agent!

Speaking of DIY, on his DVDs, Mr. Shammy likes to put little home movies he did as a teen. This DVD had a Indiana Jones ripoff.. I guess it's safe to say he's moved beyond Speilberg ripoffs, he's now moved into Hanna Barbara ripoffs!

I give this movie one finger.