Fred Thompson as newsman Bennet Brauer?

That's right, Bennet Brauer here with another commentary. Didn't think the suits would have me back perhaps. Thought they'd have my dairy-air replaced by one of those cookie cutter store mannequins.

Well, maybe I'm not "the norm"





I'm not "camera friendly", I don't "wear clothes that fit me"


I'm not a "heartbreaker", I haven't had "sex with a woman", I don't know "how that works"



I don't "fall in line"



I'm not "hygienic", I don't "wipe properly", I lack "style", I don't have "self-esteem", I have no "charisma", I don't "own a toothbrush", I don't "let my scabs heal", I can't "reach all the parts of my body", when I sleep I "sweat profusely."



But I guess the powers that be will keep signing my paycheck until Jack and Jane K. Viewer start to go for the remote so they can get back to commentators who don't "frighten children", who don't "eat their own dandruff", who don't "pop their whiteheads with a compass they used in high school"......